For all the guys that get dumped out of no where, and for all the girls that are just tired of waiting around for their man to finally get down on their knee and profess their desire to be together forever.  Why does this happen?  Perhaps this theory could explain…keep reading.

You’re a guy and you have been dating the same wonderful woman for what, three years now?  And for some strange reason when you walked in the door yesterday and all her stuff was missing?  “Someone has broken in…stolen everything!”  But something seems amiss.  Everything is gone, just nothing of yours; except maybe the BBQ you wanted and that 40” LCD Samsung TV you bought “together”.

You’re a girl and have been off the market for over three years dating the same guy, maybe even living with him.  But you’re at the point where you just cannot wait any longer for him to make the next move.  You only have so many eggs to fertilize and you just wasted 36 of them on this guy with no promise of a future together.

What in the world is going on you wonder.  Let me tell you.  You took to long and she waited, waited, waited and you just didn’t get on board with the “future”.  I had this conversation with my fiancé early in our relationship about who ends the relationship, when and why.  It was friendly banter about who knew what, or more, about relationships.  He believes it is typically the girl that ends the relationship if it survives past the first year, and the girl typically get’s over it quicker.  I believe I have the answer!

I put it out there pretty early on in our courting that I was not looking for someone to pass the time with, I was looking for the person I wanted to spend my life with.  Pretty brash of me I know, but I had done the waiting game back when I was younger and this is where I discovered the truth of my theory.  A “light goes off” kind of moment you could say, a little knowledge a little late.  And having experienced this once in my life was enough of a life lesson for me.

As many of us girls do, I dissected the relationship, what was good/bad and where I went wrong. Unfortunately I could not put my finger on one specific thing or event that could contribute to the end of my 5 ½ yr relationship.  It took the course it was meant to take but what I did discover was there tends to be a pattern in long term relationships.  And here is my theory.

Year one:

Together you decide the relationship is worth pursuing and you fall in love.  You are “together” and enjoying your time together.  You have been getting to know one another on a deeper level, and those butterflies that invade your tummy in the first months seem to have flown the coup.  But that’s okay because what you have after all this time is a solid foundation to build upon.  By the end of year one the girl is seriously sussing out if she can see you as “the” long term partner she has been searching for.  The guy in turn is just happy he found a girl to stick around for this long…maybe you will go the distance but no need to rush the situation, you are happy to see where it goes.

Year two:

Still together, maybe living together, maybe not.  Either way this relationship is travelling down the relationship road and you are both are in it for the long”er” haul.  This is the beginning of the end.  If you are still together than more than likely she has decided to pursue you as her life long mate and you better get ready for the bumpy road ahead; yes, I am referring to the pressure.

She drops hints about “marriage” and makes comments about your potential future together.  The guy thinks, “great, she does see a future with me, okay, this is good”.  But as a man you are naturally non-committal in your answers.  “Ya, things are great with “us” and I really do enjoy spending time with you”.  Ouch, that’s what we girls think…what in the world is he thinking???  How does that help me figure out if he feels the same as I do?  No point asking the question direct, he knows what I am getting at.

Men and women, we communicate differently.  Women seem to like to allude to things, also known as hinting.  Men, well they say it like it is.  If you do not spell it out for them then they can pretend to not understand.  Don’t let that fool you though.  I fully believe the guy knows what we girls are doing, but due to the belief that men occasionally think with their parts further south, we let them off the hook and continue dropping our hints hoping one day they will get the picture.  Seriously, do we really need to spell it out for you?  YES!!!!  The simple answer is YES.  If you want to know how/what he thinks, ask him.  Don’t beat around the bush, unless you like banging your head against a brick wall and are immune to head injury.

So what year are we at?  Right, year two.  If the hints are not addressed with concrete answers that satisfy the woman’s curiosity to explore the future together, year two become a road of distancing herself.  She slowly starts to convince herself that her man does not picture the two-story house with white picket fence and 2.5 children with “her”.  Off turn the emotions and wow, the pressure to answer the life long commitment end.

For the guy this path is experienced completely different.  While he ignores the hints and offers only what he needs to in order to make the relationship complacent and bearable, don’t be fooled!  He is aware that the pressure is mounting and guess what, he does NOT like it.  He is going to continue ignoring the hints so why bother dropping them.  But you do, now it is just lip service though.

Year Three:

Once she stops laying the pressure on, he realises that things are getting better, less tense.  With all this tension and stress it is difficult to know whether he is thinking of marriage with you because he loves you and wants to spend his life with you, or because he is being pressured to feel that way.  How could we expect a man to make such an important life decision under such a weight?  So the anxiety around the commitment has eased and he is now permitting himself to see his life with you, feeling like you are getting closer and loving you more.  But you (the woman) are feeling distant and the desire to marry him lessens every day.  Wow, how in the world did this happen?

Just as he is ready to begin ring shopping, or at least talk openly and honestly about your future together, this is when he comes home and the house is barren.  He is totally confused.  He was really starting to get used to the idea that he is going to ask you to be his wife, and oppss! There you go; you are busy building your new life, maybe single, maybe not.  And you seem to be just fine.  Either way he is dumbfounded and stupefied about what in the world happened.  He is heart broken and cannot for the life of him understands how you could walk away so calmly and easily from the life he was planning to have with you.  He is mourning the end and she is done.  She already did her mourning during the time that she had accepted the relationship was never going to flourish into the exchange of rings and “together forever” vows.

Simply said, she dropped too many hints and he took too long to make the decision!  Got it?!

Interesting food for thought, offered from my sister as a means of supporting my emotional crisis when my relationship ended.  People that date for 5 years or more and are not engaged, are 50% more likely to get divorced if they do end up getting married.  Not sure where she got this statistic from but when I stop to think of it I see the validity.

Have you ever seen the movie, “The Wedding Planner” (yep, using this cheesy movie to prove a point, sorry)?  Have you been in a long term relationship and find yourself engaged and then married and wondered how it happened?  Well, for me there was a very momentous scene where two of the main characters are about to marry and they have a little chat before the ceremony; they wonder, “how did we find ourselves here”.  And that is often a good question to ask.  Are you at this point because that person is the love of your life or because it just seems to be the next logical step in the relationship?  If you are getting married because it is the next natural step or because you’re not sure who else you will marry, run!

I believe that the person we marry should be someone we could live without but chose not to want to live without.  You may not always feel that way about the person, but apparently you have to just pray that you both don’t want a divorce at the same time.  This advice was dispensed by a couple that has been married for over 40 years, so I think there is a grain of truth in it.

We are getting married and as most brides-to-be, I too am endeavoring to get healthy and lose a few pounds.  The weight has been with me for a couple of year, kind of like an old comfortable friend.  Although I am not implying I want to rid myself of a good friend, I do wish to rid myself of the muffin tops (the extra weight hanging over the top of your pants) and back fat that has endeared itself to me!  Thank you muffin tops and back fat but I think I am fine without you.

Technically I am not overweight, but definitely have lost the toned body I used to have of my early to mid 20’s.  Where did it go?  I don’t think I gave it permission to leave!  I am just shy of 5’10 and weight currently (I so cannot believe I am going to share this…) about 145lbs.  My weight is probably just a natural progression of aging but why should I accept this as permission for my body to change.  There is no grace in that.

A few days ago my fiancé sent me a link about a husband that is seeking advice about how to tell his wife she is a little chubbier and how he wants her to lose some weight.  Oh no, is this a hint?  And then he sent another link to an article about the correlation of marriage and weight gain.  No no, I really don’t believe he is trying to tell ME to lose weight, he actually see’s humour in these articles.  Nonetheless I heed his warnings and see this as an opportunity to get up off my butt and make some needed changes.

First I would like to applaud the husband seeking advice on how to tell his wife he is loosing sexual interest in her because of the weight gain.  He is giving her a chance to prevent him from cheating.  He is not dead yet and face it, we all have sexual urges!  Too bad he doesn’t feel he can just blurt it out.  Even though it’s not nice to hear someone tell you something you likely already know and despise about yourself, it really needs to be said.  If you feel you have any good suggestions for him, go to his post.  He seems to have tried everything except telling her outright that he is loosing his attraction to her.  Nah, I have not done it yet, figured I would let one of you!

Maybe this phenomenon is more closely related to the happy union of marriage than I previously thought.  An article in Time magazine discusses studies conducted regarding the correlation of marriage and weight gain in both men and women.  Men win in these studies, their weight tends peak in the first two years and then they plateau.  Women on the other hand, well we just keeping packing on the pounds.  Where is the justice in that?  And why is this the case, why do WE have to keep gaining the weight?  This does not seem to work for the woman’s advantage evolutionarily speaking.  Suggestions anyone?,9171,1907143,00.html

Is it true that we women become compliant with our weight as we age?  The article in Times magazine does not talk about the impact of pregnancy on the woman’s body and how that too can correlate to weight gain.  It saddens me to think that I may be doomed to the pounds progressively finding their way onto my body.  Rubbish I say, rubbish!

There are tons of people out there seeking advise about their weight, getting healthy and about their partners that cheat (maybe due to your weight but could be other things as well).  Most of the time you can answer the question(s) yourself but we tend to reach out to others for help hoping they will not point out the obvious.

Dr. Laura is a know-it-all doctor whom I believe acts solely on the agenda of profit and disregard for human understanding.  Obviously I do not like Dr. Laura, she is a glaring example of a paradox of contradictions and for that reason I will not provide you a direct link to her page!  You can find it yourself if you like.  As well as being a published author, Dr. Laura hosts a radio show where she dispenses advice to people in about 3 minutes, usually horrible advice.  Why am I talking about her then?  Well, in this one situation the good Dr. did provide sound commentary for one person; she told her caller the truth.  I use this example to show how we could all be more honest to those we love (but maybe use a little more decorum and tact, we are calling for honesty not an all out personal attack).

This lady called complaining about how her husband told her he was no longer attracted to her because she had gotten fat (sorry, don’t really like that word but it is in context of the conversation).  She wanted Dr. Laura to be outraged at the husbands’ comments and tell her how out of line her husband is.  Dr. Laura asked the lady about her height and her weight and surprise surprise, what was the Dr.’s reply to this poor lady seeking a brilliant answer?  News flash lady, you ARE fat!  Loose some weight!  Not sure what happened to this caller, but I have to agree with Dr. Laura on that one.  Again, the approach could have been a little more loving but Dr. Laura is not known for gentle love.

Although research says that women gain wait when in a relationship, I say it is much more important to be trim and healthy when you are in a committed relationship.  Do you really want your man’s eye to roam and his fingers to wander?  He may love you dearly, but that does not mean he has to love your new plush and cushy body.  As much as I say that a woman has a responsibility to look after her body, so does the man!  We can all fall victim to a wandering eye and roaming hands, we are human after all.

You have reached the end of my post and I have yet to tell you why we gain weight in relationships.  To be honest I am not sure I am qualified to answer that.  But what I do know is that as we age our bodies change as does our metabolism.  Even though these milestones are earmarked in our futures we are still able to make decisions that will impact our weight, like eating one big mac instead of two.  Make your choices wisely and if you have gained weight (outside a medical condition) at least try to do something about it.   Seek advice, but not from Dr. Laura unless you are prepared for brutal honesty!

As some of you may know, or not, my previous job was with wheelchairs and mobility equipment.  Yes, I sold wheelchairs.  I worked in Canada for the largest medical equipment supplier and had access to almost any type of medical equipment needed (for wheelchairs and basic mobility aids).  It is a very interesting industry and let me tell you…a wheelchair is not just a wheelchair.  Yes, it has 4 wheels and rolls around, but it is much more complex than just that.

I will try my best to write about the subjects independently and hope one day that this blog will serve as an information portal for people out there who need to know about medical equipment, how to access it (funding) and some basics on why this equipment is necessary.  And even for those that do not need equipment yet, if you have aging parents or a natural curiosity about things, please do come back and look for updated posts.  I believe that everyone should have a basic understanding about the importance of a good wheelchair and safe access to the environment.

Have any of you seen the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”?  Well, for those of you have not have here is the IMDB link, give it a read…or better yet, see the movie!

It has a stellar cast and I think a great story line.  I went to see this movie with a good friend of mine.  Her and I have been in one another lives for over a decade and we have seen each other through the dating sceen, watching one another crash and burn and been there at the end to help pick up the pieces.  All the while, offering words of encouragement and inevitable consoling commentary of “what an idiot he is for not seeing how great you are”, or “he will be the one missing out!”  Oh yes people, I too have been that friend trying to make excuses for why that really HOT guy you met the other night did not call.  And yes, I have also been the girl wondering what is wrong with me and why is he playing these games?

While watching this movie my friend and I could not help but be glued to the impending train wrecks we knew were coming.  But why when we see this happening to others are we so clear minded and when it is happening to us it is all murky and there just has to be a reason?  The answer is not one I have, but I loved this movie.  My fiance on the other hand had a different take on the movie.  Although he did enjoy it, he thought it was going to mess women up even more.

Why? I ask.  His reply is simple…in the end, every girl got what she wanted! For those of you who have not seen the movie, turn a blind eye, NOW!  So, here is what I surmise after listening to him talk about the movie…

Crazy Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) seeks advice from Alex (Justin Long) about relationships and about the perils of the dating sceen.  She has thrown herself at men, begged to be liked and believes that love is due to her.  And you know the end, she becomes Alex’s “exception”.  Apparently this is telling every girl that she CAN become the exception even though Alex has explicitly said few girls are the exception. But I say, every girl has to be some one’s exception, right my love (otherwise what is this ring on my finger)?

Another glaring example of how this story is going to mess with women is the Neil and Beth (Jennifer Aniston) story.  Dating for 7 years and never getting married, so says Neil (Ben Affleck).  Beth decides she really needs to know that marriage is an option for them.  Nope, it’s not!  Sorry Beth but you knew since the inception of the relationship.  Then Neil packs leaves to live on his boat without the love of his life, but maintaining his belief that marriage does not equal happiness or a deeper commitment, or even a better life.  When Beth’s father falls ill she see’s her brother-in-laws behaviour and realises that these men are half the husbands that Ben is to her without even being married!  Huh!!!  What a concept, marriage does NOT equal a good husband and it does not mean your man will become a good husband.  Those socks on the floor that he threw there while dating, well, they will still be there 10 years after being married.  Get my drift ladies?

And so the story goes.  Beth agrees that they never have to get married then Neil comes home.  He is not empty handed though, he brings with him quite a pretty box with quite a pretty ring inside!  He falls prey to the needs of his woman and marries her!  Where is the inconsistency in that I ask?  Well, I say that she gave up her need to get married and accepted that the relationship is great on it’s own.  Neil, well since the pressure is off about marriage, decides that being married is finally for the right reasons…because of their love not because it was the next step in the relationship or that it was the “right” thing to do.  It was just what they wanted to do!  A true love story…but…my fiance says this is unrealistic.  Once again, the woman get’s the guy and all the advice this movie gives is going down the drain along with your crap!  You can go out there and test it if you like but I would rather just accept this storyline for what it is, a happy ending!

I know there are a few more story lines to review, but to be honest I would like to remember the movie as a favourite and a classic.  An epic of relationships and a (very) rough guide to dating.  And maybe even a lesson to our friends; that although you think you are helping, just be honest and call a lie a lie (not using any metaphor here for a reason, do not want to give you a reason to read something ELSE into what I say)!  You’ve been ‘had’ girl, and he’s just not that into you!

So, you may wonder why I have started a blog.  It began quite simply actually.  Randal made a comment Friday night and  on Sat. morning I took action.  The idea of starting a blog had been swishing around in my head for a few weeks so the concept had been digesting for a bit.  What was this comment that made me act with such speed?

The people who talk about their plan(s) are less likely to follow through with them.  Huh!  Immediately I dismissed this idea, but when I stopped feeling like it was a personal stab I agreed.  Obviously I felt it personally because I AM one of those people that ‘talks’ about their plans and I do not always go through with them.  For example, after completing my Bachelor’s degree I decided that I should go on and become further educated.  I was going to do law!  I called my mom and told her, she told her sisters and what do you know…I am NOT a lawyer!

So why does this happen?  Research says when we announce our intentions it “satisfies your self-identity just enough that you’re less motivated to do the hard work needed”.

What else prevents us from allowing our intentions to become realities?  If we have success in one sub-goal then we feel a sense of accomplishment and therefore we actually do not put the needed effort in on other sub-goals that are just as important.  Here is a classic example of something I do:

I want to get healthy (the goal) so I decided to get back into running (one sub-goal) but get side tracked telling myself I need a new pair of runners to be able to run (this becomes a sub-goal), right!  But really, who doesn’t love a new pair of runners?  Because I have these new runners I feel less motivated to actually go running because I have made at least a third of the effort in my running regime.  Ha!  Funny but totally true – thanks Randal!

In short, keep your plans to yourself!  As well, to increase the likelihood of being successful it helps if you make a list of your goals so you can keep on track.  It is reported that people that write down their goals are more likely to complete them.   This is just some food for thought.  See the link below for a direct article on the subject as well as some information on studies that have been around for eons, since 1933.

Make you feel better that you are not alone with this habit?  The good thing is, now that you are aware of this phenomenon you can prevent it from running your life and restricting your actions.  Best of luck with your plans but I do not want to hear about them until you have succeeded!

To all of us that like to “talk” about our plans, stop and think about sharing it next time if you really want to have your plan come to fruition!

This is where the Boss (better known as B) will post his rants…they will be entertaining for sure!

to see photos please visit:

so today I decided to create a blog.  And poor Randal had to do all the work, hehe.  I am now in the process of learning about what I got myself in too.

Stick around and you may hear about my frustration(s) of learning the world of blogging.  Hopefully the end result will be a successful blog that you enjoy visiting.  Give me some time though, okay?  Thanks!